Solitude: How to make it work for you

Most of us are afraid to be alone – we confuse it with being lonely. But there’s a fine line of difference between the two. Being alone means being happy in your own skin, on your own, enjoying your relationship with yourself. Being lonely is when you crave external company, oftentimes because you don’t know yourself.

Solitude is powerful. It’s time you carve out for yourself to take care of the most important person in the world – you. It’s a time for self reflection and introspection. To examine your life and your emotions, get a grip on what is working for you and what isn’t.

When you’re in tune with yourself, you’re in a much better position to face life head-on. Decision making comes easier because you know exactly what you need at any given time to move ahead. You know what’s working and what isn’t and can take steps to change or correct your course.

Some of my best times are the few hours after I get back home from work and before the husband returns. It’s my time to do as I please – often I read, sometimes I go out for a stroll and on most days I journal. On Saturdays I’m out with friends because the husband works, but sometimes I stay home – alone – and take myself on a mini-retreat. I come out of that feeling rested, recharged and ready to roll. If I go too long without my alone time, I feel anxious and out of sorts.

If you’re afraid of spending almost an entire day with yourself, why don’t you try spending half an hour to an hour in solitude?

Here’s something you can try during that time.

You will need:
A journal or paper and a pen

Sit in a comfortable position and spend a few moments focusing on your breath. Take a few deep breaths in and out to center yourself.
Close your eyes and ask yourself: What do I need to know most about myself right now? What am I feeling? Is there any part of me that is feeling neglected, unwanted, unloved? How can I nurture myself?
Hold the questions in your mind for a few moments then open your eyes and write. Write without thinking, stopping or editing. The words will flow out of you on to the page.
Once you’re done, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths once again.
Then get yourself a glass of water or a cup of tea or coffee, and sit down and read through what you have written.
You may find kernels of wisdom in there or you may be surprised at the things that have come up in your writing. Find a way to incorporate the wisdom you’ve just gained into your daily life.

Or consider creating a simple morning ritual.

Do you find it easy to spend time with yourself? If yes, what do you do to connect with yourself? If not, why?

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How to introspect

Preserved memories: on keeping a hand written journal

How to introspect

Introspection (Photo credit: gurdonark)

There are times when we over-think things. Like introspection, or self reflection. I know I’m guilty of it. I’ve spent hours reading up on the right way to introspect. Wondering what questions to ask myself. If I was even asking the right questions.

Then, one day, I decided to just stop thinking about this whole thing. I was tired of trawling through websites and looking at lists of questions to ask myself. Some as inane as: “What are your favorite things (books, movies, stores, etc.)? Why ?”

So I just put the whole introspection thingajammy behind me and concentrated on doing different things. Things I’ve been putting off since a while. Like reorganizing my craft room. And then suddenly, one day, I just….introspected. No muss. No fuss.

And I realized there is one and only one thing that was holding me back and making me overanalyze this whole introspection thing: fear.

I was afraid of what I would find. The person I would come face to face with in the mirror. Once I let my guard down, I found that it wasn’t so hard after all. And the person I saw wasn’t all that much of an ogre. She was normal, with her strong points and weak, successes and failures, areas of confidence and insecurities.

So, if you’re having trouble getting in touch with you, ask yourself: What are you afraid of finding? Chances are, you’re blowing your fears out of proportion.

I’m going to let you in on another secret: it isn’t even necessary for you to answer that question. Just acknowledge that you’re afraid and leave it at that. And one day, when you’re least expecting it, you’ll rediscover yourself.

Here’s to you!

Looking back 2010: I've learnt…

As 2010 comes to an end, I look back and reflect on the year that’s gone by. There’s been so much joy, a few sorrows…so much hard work…a lot of partying…and so many things that I have learnt.

The top 10 things I’ve learnt….

To laugh out loud – Life’s too short to be constantly worried. Take every opportunity to catch life by the horns and L-I-V-E!
To stay calm – Shit happens, but how we deal with it is what matters most.
To prioritize – Family and friends and health come first. Work’s important, but it isn’t the be all and end all of life.
To constantly adapt – The only constant in life is change. We can’t stay in our comfort zone forever. To live fully (see point 1), we have to break out of our comfort zone…sure it’s hard at first, but like Nike says, Just do it!
To make time for me – My day for myself is Saturday – I have the weekends off, but the husband has only Sundays off. Instead of moaning and groaning about it, I use that one day to have fun…go out with girlfriends or even alone (see the next point), clean up the house (if I feel like it), do some bloggy work…
To be comfortable in my own skin – Next time you’re out in the market or mall, really notice people around you — they are almost always with their families or friends. Even the movies would have you believe that one is a lonely number. But you know what, it isn’t! It takes great confidence and oodles of self love to be out there in the crowd alone, doing your own thing, even *gasp!* eating at a restaurant alone. This may be an Indian thing, but it’s one of the most important lessons I learnt this year.
To try and try again – If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have started working out again. I’ve lost count of the number of crash diets I’ve gone on, of how many times I joined the gym and gave up. But this year, I was determined I would do it, and stick to it. And I’ve succeeded. The weight hasn’t come off as fast as I had hoped, and there are days when I stumble, but I get up and get back on!
To draw the line, work-wise – Sure work’s important – it’s what helps us put food on the table and clothes on our back. But if work overtakes the rest of your life what purpose is it serving? If you have no time for family, for friends, to enjoy your hard earned money, is it really worth it? There’s only that much stress I can take over work, beyond a point, I refuse to compromise on my personal time.
To speak out – The husband’s not a mind reader. Unless I tell him what’s bothering me, he ain’t gonna know. So instead of stewing or going silent, I realized it’s best to let it rip from time to time. Keeps him on his best behavior too 😉
To take a break – I used to take time off from work only if I was sick or traveling. But there are days when you just want to laze around, and I realized that if I just took the day off, I went to work the next day feeling like a million bucks!

Life is always teaching us lessons, either by experience or by sharing. I’ve shared what I’ve learnt this year, won’t you share your lessons with me in the comments section?

Linking up with Jade: