The minefields of an inter-religion marriage

Recently, one of the the husband’s relatives invited us over for dinner – it was a small birthday celebration for their four year old daughter. Since it was Muharram (the Muslim period of mourning), they weren’t doing anything fancy, but it was the first time we would be going to their house, and it was a child’s birthday, so we had to take her a gift. The only problem was, it was a weekday, and getting back from work, going to a gift shop and then for dinner would have been tricky.

The (supposed) solution: We thought we’d give her a story book I had picked up for another friend’s four year old daughter (we never ended up visiting them, so the book was still with us).

The problem: I got home from work, found said book, looked at the list of stories, and thought uh-uh! You see, it was a beautifully illustrated Book of Classic Indian Stories for Children. The problem? The huge number of stories from Hindu mythology. Sample this:

The Brahmin Who Ate Up A God
Bhishma’s Sacrifice
Krishna and Kalia
The Kidnapping of Sita
Shiva and Sati
How Ganesha Got His Elephant Head

Almost the entire Hindu pantheon was in there! Of course, there were other stories too, but the Hindu mythology stores outnumbered them by a huge margin.

Here’s where the minefield comes in:

1) It would be the first time I was going to their house, and they lived with parents, who are likely to be ~~a lot~~ a bit more conservative than youngsters.

2) It was Muharram, so a gift like this would be ~~hugely~~ inappropriate.

3) Since I am a Hindu, it would look like I’m trying to ~~force~~ sell my culture on to their daughter.

4) It ~~would~~ might spoil relationships.

Ridiculous, I know. But given the whole Hindu-Muslim divide and how difficult it has been for some of the older people in the husband’s family to accept that he married out of religion, and a Hindu to boot, the book was completely inappropriate.

One of the husband’s aunts finally accepted me and said she “realizes that I am a girl who has been brought up with excellent values” and admits that she “treated her very unfairly” after eight years of marriage – yes, eight!

So, the only solution was to make a mad dash to the market before the shops shut down, which we managed – barely. We bought her coloring books and crayons. Said gift was a HUGE hit with the young girl – she finished coloring two pictures while we were there! – and the dinner went off very well.

What can I say? It’s all in a day’s work! 😉

Pretty please!

I have made it to the final shortlist of the Blogjunta Best of the Indian Blogosphere Award (yippee!) in two categories – Best Personal Blog and Best Travel Blog – but it would make me happier if I could actually win! So, I need your help. Please click the images below to vote for me. I’d be eternally grateful to all of y’all who do so. Pretty please!

Best Personal Blog

Best Travel Blog

4 life lessons I learnt from my cat

A fine balancing act

That’s Pepo, my adorable furry friend. She adopted us on 15 July 2009, and has been a constant source of entertainment for us ever since. In addition to entertaining us, she also strives to teach us mere humans some lessons, cat style!

Act first, think later: Pepo’s a house cat, which means she spends hours watching birds through the window. In this picture, she’s clambered up onto the top of the window, near the ceiling, and after having her fill of bird watching, is looking for a way back down. She knows one of us will come get her!
Translated to us humans: Just do it! Don’t think. The more you think, the more reasons you can give yourself to not do something to break out of your comfort zone. Act and trust in the universe, things will almost always work out — 99.99% of the time!
Want something? Be cute: One of Pepo’s favorite things to do is to go out on to the balcony and drink water or sit on the ledge and watch the world go by. Since she’s a house cat, these excursions are under supervision. So, once we are back from work, her first request, nay demand, is to be taken out. The best way to get her demand met? Be cute!
Translated to us humans: When you want to be recognized for the work you do, you need to move out of the mindset of letting your work speak for yourself — you need to focus on building strong relationships with your managers. It doesn’t mean you have to suck up to them, but small talk, going along with their plans, and problem solving as much as possible wouldn’t hurt.
When I’m playing football, I’m Ronaldo!: Yes, Pepo plays football…with balled up paper…and when she’s playing, she’s Christiano Ronaldo incarnate! Focused, quick, nothing but the game matters – not food, not going out, nothing!
Translated to us humans: Focus, hard work and perseverance will help you achieve any goal. The best way I’ve found to stick with it: write your goals, break them into baby steps, reward yourself for every milestone achieved, don’t beat yourself up for missing a target – analyze what went wrong, fix it, and go for it again!
Sleep above all else: The amount of time Pepo spends sleeping can leave you amazed! On weekends, she sleeps, eats, plays, sleeps, plays, sleeps…you get the drift, right?
Translated to us humans: (1) You need downtime baby! There’s no way you can go on and on and on, working, running the house, looking after everyone else before yourself. Make some “me time” — meditate, go get a manicure, watch a movie or grab lunch with a friend…something, anything, that is only for you!
(2) There may be times when we wish we had 48 hrs in a day, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon — can you imagine a 16 hr work day? Yuck! The best way to be productive — plan, focus, and ensure you get adequate shut eye, or your body’s going to rebel on you, and then you won’t be able to get anything done!

Has your furry friend taught you any life lessons?

Wandering Wednesday #11: The power of music

Image via Wikipedia

Music is the language of the soul, says a popular adage. Now, scientists are finding that this may actually be true.

Researchers have found that recreational music-making and drumming can improve immunity, and daily sessions of voluntary music-guided slow breathing can significantly reduce blood pressure. Here are 7 Ways Music Breaks Can Improve Your Health.

Ever wondered Why Music Makes You Happy? Researchers have found the answer – listening to music triggers the brain to release the happiness chemical dopamine.

Does this inspire you to go make music? If you’re anything like me, you’d say “Me? Make music? Sure, if you want to clear the room!” Help is at hand for us non-musicians in the form of a cool iPhone app called “La Di Da” that creates music using “reverse karaoke.” You sing into the iPhone, then the computer program writes the music in the appropriate key and even auto tunes your voice for you. You can read more about the app and watch it in action here.

Have you ever experienced the stress-busting/mood changing effects of music?

(Click to read older Wandering Wednesday posts)

This Marriage – Rumi

This Marriage

May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage.

– Rumi (Kulliyat-i-Shams 2667)

Friday Frame #10: Meditative lemur

That isn't a doctored image...it really is a lemur sitting in a meditative pose! Click on the image to view Sebastiendeg's photostream.

(More Friday Frames)

If you have any artwork or photography to share, please leave a comment, a link back to your blog and your e-mail address, and I’ll feature it on an upcoming Friday Frame!

No One Killed Jessica: of power & money

NOKJ is a re-enactment of the much publicized Jessica Lal murder case. Tracking the case from the time of the murder to the case getting kicked up to the higher court, the movie examines two key themes — the power of the media and the helplessness of the common man, who has no political or other influential connections.

The story is one that most of us already know — of how Jessica was shot because she refused to serve a drink to a politician’s son, of how her sister, Sabrina Lal fought for justice for her sister, of justice being denied, and then of the massive public support (shown as the “Justice for Jessica” campaign in the movie) that forced the judiciary to re-open the case, finally resulting in the main accused, Manu Sharma, being sentenced to life imprisonment.

What the movie does is to portray the common man’s helplessness — since the prime accused was a politician’s son, his father’s political clout was enough to ensure that the 300 people present at the party on the night of the murder either didn’t see anything or left before the incident took place. Threats and bribes ensured that all of the prime witnesses turned hostile. A helpless Sabrina (Vidya Balan), who believed that Jessica’s friends would stand up for her was left stunned when one by one, almost all of her friend’s turned hostile. She thought that at least one of the guards who was present at the time of the shooting would speak up to ensure that justice was served, but again, the promise of money was enough to ensure that the guards turned a blind eye.

The movie also portrays the strength of the media — when a TV reporter (Rani Mukherji, based loosely on Barkha Dutt) laid bare all the evidence on TV, the entire nation rallied together to demand justice for Jessica, which ensured that the case was re-heard in high court. Manu Sharma was convicted for life, and in 2010, the Supreme Court upheld that decision.

Image by RubyGoes via Flickr

The Arushi Talwar case, though, is more intriguing. The CBI believes that Arushi and the Talwar’s full-time help Hemraj were killed by Arushi’s father Rajesh Talwar, but they have been unable to establish a motive or to gather enough evidence to charge him, and at the end of December 2010, they filed to close the case. Doesn’t it make you wonder if that is the whole truth, or if money and power are playing a role behind the scene?

Pondicherry – a heady mix of India and France

While planning our annual holiday this year, I was very sure of one thing – I didn’t want to go to Rajasthan yet again! Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the state! But that doesn’t mean I go there every year, right?

This year, I could almost hear the call of a cool sea breeze…of palms swaying in the wind…of lazing on the beach and unwinding…But Goa around Christmas/New Year is jam-packed with tourists, so we decided to head further south, to Pondicherry (popularly referred to as Pondy).

Sea views from the rooftop of the hotel

Ruled by the French until 1954, a canal splits this oval-shaped city into two – the French side (Ville Blanche) and the Indian side (Ville Noire). The Indian side of the city is like any other small town in the country – sleepy, dusty, and congested. Move into the French side, though, and you are greeted with cobbled, shady roads and sprawling houses, many of which overlook the beach.

We left Delhi on a cold, grey Christmas morning, and arrived in warm and sunny Chennai – the closest airport to Pondy – in the afternoon. A 3-hour picturesque drive later, our holiday had finally begun!

The hotel we had chosen was on Rue Dumas in the French quarter, just one lane behind the beach. So though our room looked out onto the quiet, shady street, we had a lovely sea view from the rooftop cafeteria. A 2 minute walk took us to Goubert Salai, the seaside promenade, which during the peak season is almost always crowded with locals and tourists walking along the pavement or sitting on the rocks watching the waves crash in. During off-peak periods, I suspect the rocky beach, the strip of white sand and the pavement would be quite deserted, giving it the look of a sleepy French sea-side village.

Rue Dumas, Pondicherry

There isn’t much to do at Pondy, so you’ll never feel rushed or hurried. We spent all our evenings at the beach, sitting on the rocks, people and wave watching. We hired a bike and rode to Auroville one day, on another we took a day trip to Mamalapuram (Mahabalipuram), and on the third we visited the Aurobindo Ashram and the 300+ year old Sri Manakula Vinayagar Temple (a Ganesh temple), which was in existence even before the French settled in Pondicherry (i.e. before 1666), and then rode over to one of the other (sandy) beaches around Pondy.

We found it a bit hard to find a good place to eat in Pondy, though. The popular names, such as Le Club and La Teresse, were disappointing to say the least. Le Club was over-priced, and their food was barely passable; the food at La Teresse was insipid. So, I chucked the travel guide aside and asked around for good places to eat.

Hotel du Park has excellent continental food (their Fisherman’s basket and grilled fish are excellent, as is the fresh fruit with ice cream and the divine chocolate cake) or try Le Rendezvous (it looked and smelled excellent, though we didn’t eat there as they had a 1 hour waiting for dinner!). I also heard good things about Don Giovanni, a pizzeria on the rooftop of Hotel Corbelli. If you want to sample some South Indian non-vegetarian fare, you can’t go wrong with Apichi – their prawn fry and lappam is like manna from heaven! For pure vegetarian South Indian food, you can try Surguru (opposite Hotel du Park) – I quite liked their dosas. Oh, and for a nice breakfast spread, you can head to Hot Breads (loved their Choco Danish!)

Love – Pablo Neruda

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands; how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks, the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because of
you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting stars, falling objects.

Pablo-Neruda-signature

Book review: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Image via Wikipedia

The Time Traveler’s Wife is an idyllic romance. On one level, it tells of a love so strong that nothing can come in its way, on another, it brings in a touch of science fiction.

Clare Abshire has known Henry DeTamble since she was 6, and she knows that she’s going to marry him when she grows older. But when she meets Henry when she is 20, he doesn’t know who she is.

I met Clare for the first time in October, 1991. She met me for the first time in September, 1977; she was six, I will be thirty-eight. She’s known me all her life. In 1991 I’m just getting to know her.

That’s because Henry is a time traveler who gets yanked around in time – past and present – without any warning. And the reason he doesn’t know Clare is because he tries not to tell anyone (including himself, unless it’s a life and death situation) about their future.

Sometimes it feels as though your attention has wandered for just an instant. Then, with a start, you realize that the book you were holding, the red plain cotton shirt with white buttons, the favorite black jeans and the maroon socks with an almost-hole in the heel, the living room, the about-to-whistle tea kettle in the kitchen: all of these have vanished. You are standing, naked as a jaybird, up to your ankles in ice water in a ditch along an unidentified rural route…You’ve mislocated yourself again.

Confused? Don’t be. Niffenegger maintains taunt control over her narrative, which alternates between Clare and Henry’s point of view, never letting things get confusing or bewildering. The transitions between past and present and future are maintained smoothly, and Niffenegger does an excellent job of weaving together some complex ideas – time travel, marriage, love, children, death, drugs, loss, and the human condition – poetically and with amazing clarity.

It’s also a beautiful character sketch of Henry, who never knows when and where in time he will appear, naked, hungry, and having to quickly defend himself; and of Clare, who lives a “chronologically” normal life, marked with her strong love for Henry and her worry about his safety when he time travels.

I read the book over two days when I was home sick, and the soothing pace of the novel and the gentle, matter-of-fact love story was like a soothing balm to my tortured self. Highly recommended.