A case for simple living

Where has the happiness gone?
Image via Wikipedia

About a year ago I had written a post titled Jaded Consumerism, where I mentioned that I’ve increasingly noticed that buying material goods doesn’t seem to bring much happiness to me or my friends. Oh yes, there are exceptions — like when I bought my iPhone recently; it still makes me happy! But, overall, we purchase without the joy.

This week I finally gave in to the husband’s constant cribbing and we traded our 10-year old TV for an LCD. That should have brought us (or at least him) a lot of joy…but it didn’t. We bought it, got it installed, he played around with the remote and read the manual, but there was no thrill to the purchase. A TV is a TV is a TV is what I was saying all along, but the husband just wouldn’t listen, would he?

Jokes apart, though, I’ve been wondering about this lack of joy since a while, and then I read an article on NY Times titled But will it make you happy?

SHE had so much. A two-bedroom apartment. Two cars. Enough wedding china to serve two dozen people. Yet Tammy Strobel wasn’t happy. Working as a project manager with an investment management firm in Davis, Calif., and making about $40,000 a year, she was, as she put it, caught in the “work-spend treadmill.”

That was the opening of the article, and I was hooked, because that’s exactly what I had been thinking about!

Strobel eventually hit the stop button on the treadmill, inspired by books and blogs that promoted simple living. She and her husband gave away a lot of their possessions to charity. In fact, “emboldened” by a website that challenged readers to live with just 100 personal items, she went ahead and did just that!

A case for simple living
Image by eflon via Flickr

I’m quite sure that mustn’t have been easy, and I’m pretty sure that it isn’t something that I could do! But, living simply does have its benefits.

If you can downsize your desires a bit, not bother so much about keeping up with the Joneses, you could end up saving quite a decent amount of money. Instead of spending that on purchasing more material goods, you could use that to travel, to do some volunteer work, or even to help family, all of which will give you infinitely more happiness than simply amassing material goods ever will. And a lot of new research shows just that!

Studies over the last few decades have shown that money, up to a certain point, makes people happier because it lets them meet basic needs. The latest round of research [examines] how to reap the most happiness for your dollar. So just where does happiness reside for consumers? Scholars and researchers haven’t determined whether Armani will put a bigger smile on your face than Dolce & Gabbana. But they have found that our types of purchases, their size and frequency, and even the timing of the spending all affect long-term happiness. One major finding is that spending money for an experience — concert tickets, French lessons, sushi-rolling classes, a hotel room in Monaco — produces longer-lasting satisfaction than spending money on plain old stuff.

If I could control my spending impulses, there are a lot of things that I’d be able to experience — a trip to Egypt , learning Italian, painting a canvas, going on an African safari — just a few of the things that are on my bucket list.

If you chose to live simple and spend on experiences instead, what experiences would you choose?

You can read the entire NY times article here.

Dagny Taggart, or Scarlett O'Hara, or maybe…

Over at Plinky.com, the prompt was to choose which book character you’d want to be. As I thought about it while idly browsing through some of the answers, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to come up with just one character. I mean, how can I ever let anything be that simple?! So, here are just a few of the characters that I would absolutely love to be!

Dagny Taggart, the protagonist of Atlas Shrugged. She’s smart, intelligent and objective; takes independent decisions without bowing down to the baseness and commonality of society; she’s the epitome of woman as an equal to man without having to shout about it from the rooftops. By extension, I’d also like to be Hank Rearden – who though he knows the value of his metal isn’t able to see the shallowness of character in his mother and wife because he doesn’t think like that – and so wrongly believes that no one else does – or even John Galt, who shows all people who love their work above all else the “light.”

Scarlet O’Hara, the flighty, tempestuous heroine of one of my all-time favorite books – Gone With the Wind. I love her flirtatiousness, her verve and vigor for life. She’s selfish to the core and knows how to use her charms to get exactly what she wants. In love with the idea of love, she fails to see that Rhett Butler, not Ashley Wilkes is the love of her life. (I was lucky enough to not have made that mistake!) But when push comes to shove, she rises to the occasion and through determination, sheer will, and good old fashioned shrewdness, keeps her family together and drags them out of poverty.

Harry Potter, the wizard who was able to survive the dark wizard Voldermort’s killing spell. With the love of his mother as protection, a lil help from his friends, and an inquisitive mind, he’s able to triumph over evil time and again.

Lady Mutnodjmet, Nefertiti’s younger sister, protagonist of Michelle Moran’s Nefertiti. A herbalist, level-headed character who gives up most of her life to ensure that her family’s name isn’t forgotten in the sands of time.

And of course, this list can’t be complete without my favorite childhood characters – Nancy Drew and Mr. Pink Whistle! The first, my teenage hero – the fearless mystery detective – the second, my absolute favorite childhood fantasy – the magical Mr. Pink Whistle, who quietly does good and sets things right. I can read his books even today and still be fascinated by him! (Shhh! Don’t tell!)

So, which are your favorite book character(s)?

Caught in a culture trap

In better times: MK Kaushik with the Indian women's hockey team

Controversy is raging around the Indian women’s hockey team, as its chief coach MK Kaushik resigned after Ranjita Devi from Manipur leveled allegations of sexual harassment against him. Reading about this led me on to thinking about the many other reports we have read in recent times about Northeastern women complaining about sexual harassment.

I experienced quite a culture shock when I moved from Mumbai to Delhi about 7 years ago. Delhities came across as being much more brash, nosier and definitely more close minded that those in Mumbai; the men are creepy; and it was the first time I felt afraid because I am a woman.

As I extrapolate those feelings to Northeastern women, I can’t help but feel enraged at the injustice that is meted out to them every day. Just because they enjoy partying and sex isn’t taboo for them the way it is for Delhites — due to which they are labeled “fast” — they are the target of unwanted male attention. Where does it say that just because a woman enjoys partying she’s lose; or if sex before marriage is no big deal for her, it’s an open invitation for men to paw her?

Freedom Jam in Manipur

There is a huge cultural difference between North India and Northeastern India — where the former is close-minded and largely patriarchal, the latter is more open and more, if I may generalize, Westernized. It’s common for girls to be out late, for youngsters spend the evening jamming together or to put up rock shows. When they come to Delhi, they find that their normal sources of entertainment are non-existent. So they do the next best thing — they go partying. For them, it’s natural. But for the close-minded North Indian men, it comes as an open invitation to be lustful. D-I-S-G-U-T-I-N-G.

When the issue got heated a couple of years ago, the police commissioner actually issued guidelines to Northeastern girlst telling them that they must dress “conservatively” and refrain from wearing skirts. What were you trying to say Mr. Top Cop? That men can’t control their urges, or that you can do nothing to protect women? That was a huge controversy at its time, just as the allegations leveled against MK Kaushik are creating an uproar now. That the lid has been blown off by a Manipuri girl just goes to show how deep rooted the prejudices are against Northeastern women.

Two quotes on which I could base my life

We talk a lot about the values that shape us as individuals, but have you ever thought about basing your life on quotes? If a quote or two were to define you as a person, what would they be, and what would they say about you? The question at Plinky prompts was “What is your favorite quote and why?” Instead of just listing my favorite quote, I did a little soul searching and came up with two that really define me…

“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” — Bern Williams

This quote has been my rock during all my dark times. There is a certain sense of faith in these words — just like day follows night so hope follows a problem; how can it be anything else?

There have been many times when I’ve repeated this quote over and over again to myself like a mantra…and it has always calmed me down and helped me to hope.

The other quote I absolutely love is:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO – what a ride!" — unknown

What a pleasant departure this one is from the current fad of starving yourself to look thin, the race to become a size zero, of a negative body image and a denial of the sensuous pleasure in food. What happened to enjoying life, to living each moment fully? Instead we run around trapped in a negative body image forced upon us by fashion magazines, forgetting that it’s important to be fit not size zero (yes, there is a difference!); that we have one chance at life, and it’s a short one; that every pleasure denied is a pleasure wasted.

Inspired by an inspiration: Kiran Bedi

I recently had the opportunity to attend a lecture by Dr. Kiran Bedi, India’s first and highest ranking female Indian Police Service (IPS) officer. Her speech, aimed at career women, was one of the most inspirational that I have ever heard.

While we were waiting for Dr. Bedi to arrive, there was a current of excitement among the audience. And once she entered, her presence was almost tangible; she has this aura of energy and awe surrounding her, and the anticipation mounted.

Her hold over an audience was undeniable, as once she started talking there was not a murmur to be heard among the crowd. Since the lecture was aimed at women, she started by asking us what we really wanted to hear her speak about. She initially shared various strategies that she personally used to achieve all of her professional goals, and then opened the floor up to questions. It was an extremely inspirational and very interactive session, and though it’s hard to recreate that energy in words, I’ve attempted to capture the essence of her talk.

The most important thing she mentioned was to create a mission statement for your life. This, she said, would help you to know what you want, what is important for you. If you’re a person who is focused on your career, for instance, you will need to design the rest of your life in such a way that you are able to focus on your work without being pulled in multiple directions or feeling guilty about not concentrating enough on your home and family. On the other hand, if your family is more important for you, then you know that you don’t really need to compare yourself with the other go-getters at work. Then you know that you need to find a job and a position where you can balance your work with your home, and you don’t set unattainable goals that then de-motivate you. So, creating a mission statement will help you to know what you want — and be true to that.

When she was asked about her career and how she moved up the ladder among the male dominated IPS cadre, she said the answer was “focus.” Focus on what you want and on doing what you have to do — the rest, like promotion, will come. When you are true to what you’re doing, and are focusing on getting what needs to get done, done, recognition is bound to follow.

Another important thing when in the corporate arena is to strengthen your home — that has to be your sanctuary. Then no matter what is happening on the outside, at home, where it matters, you can come back and be rejuvenated. Make friends with your mother-in-law; she can be your best support system, Dr. Bedi advised. If she believes in you and helps you, then you can go to work knowing that your home is well taken care of. But at the same time, she warned women against putting all of their finances into a joint account.”Keep a personal account. You never know what tomorrow will bring, and it’s important to be protected,” she advised.

Her greatest strength has been her own inner strength. “Strengthen yourself from the inside,” she advises. “Be of inner steel, strong and pure steel — be secure in what you are. The security has to come from within. If you are strong inside nothing can shake you. You can deal with anything. Tomorrow if people around you are not there, can you move on on your own? That is inner strength.”

It’s also important for you to be your own friend, she counsels. Just the way you ask a friend for advice, ask yourself for advice. Would you be comfortable choosing a certain path? Ask yourself that. Be in touch with who you are and be true to that, that’s one of the important life lessons she shared with us.

Dr. Bedi is also a firm believer in the power of the mind. “The mind is wonderful — it can enslave you and you can enslave it — depends on your thoughts, which can change,” she says. “Thoughts are powerful. When you’re thinking of something, you’ll get the right kind of books/music that will speak to you, that will help you move in the direction of your thoughts.” That’s why she advises people not to focus on their problems. Focus instead on finding solutions — you’ll get answers in a few hours…suddenly, unexpectedly. Work on your mind; change its pattern from negative to positive. The best way of dispelling negative thoughts is to read inspiring books, listen to inspiring music, meditate…It helps.

Filled with anecdotes from her own life, as well as the problems and solutions she gave to people through her television show Aap Ki Adalat, her lecture was uplifting and thought provoking. It left us with a sense of empowerment and a road map of suggestions that we could follow to be more in tune with ourselves and to be successful in every sphere of our lives.

The mind-numbing cacophony of South Africa World Cup 2010

I’m a huge football fan. HUGE. One of the things that I absolutely love about the game, apart from watching 22 hot men chase a ball across the field ;), is the joyous celebration by fans. Their chanting, cheering, moans, groans and funky costumes are what first drew me to the game. It was fascinating to my 10-year-old eyes. I would laugh and clap and cheer along with those fans, without, at that time, really understand what the game was all about. Of course, as I grew older, my father initiated me into the rules of the game, and since then, I’ve awaited the FIFA World Cup like a fanatic. While I do occasionally get my fix with the English Premier League, FA Cup, Euro Cup, etc., the World Cup is a totally different rush!

So, I’ve been counting the days to 11 June, and five days into World Cup fever, and my ears are begging for mercy…for relief…for deliverance…from the mind-numbing buzzing that is heard around the stadium — the sound of a million vuvzelas.

I think it takes away a lot from the game when you can’t hear cheering and chanting fans. And I really wonder how the fans at the stadium are able to stand the noise, and how in heaven’s name are the players able to concentrate on the game?

Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo was the latest World Cup star to voice unease about the trumpet, telling reporters that it affected players’ focus. ‘It is difficult for anyone on the pitch to concentrate,’ the Real Madrid star told a press conference. France captain Patrice Evra has blamed the noise for waking the team in their hotel and stopping the players from hearing each other on the pitch. And Argentina’s Lionel Messi complained they made it impossible for players to communicate on the pitch.

So, is there any chance of the vuvuzela being banned? Unfortunately, it appears not.

FIFA President Sepp Blatter, through a twitter posting, said:

“I have always said that Africa has a different rhythm, a different sound. I don’t see banning the music traditions of fans in their own country.”

And the vuvuzela certainly is central to the football culture in South Africa, with fans comparing it to the chanting, singing — even the wave — done in other countries.

The darn instrument is also gaining a fan following in other parts of the world.

Football fans in Britain are buying vuvuzelas at a rate of one every two seconds. Sainsbury’s sold 22,000 red vuvuzelas in 12 hours before England’s game – one every two seconds. And online retailer Amazon said sales of the horn had increased by 1,000 per cent.

And for those who can’t get hold of a real vuvuzela, there are now virtual versions available at Apple’s iTunes store!

There are around 11 vuvuzela apps available from Apple’s App Store. One named ‘Vuvuzela 2010’ has been downloaded more than 750,000 times, and is currently the most popular free app in the entertainment category, while another, Virtual Vuvuzela, is the seventh most popular free sports app.

So though a large section of fans may complain about the instrument, it looks like the buzzing of the vuvuzela is here to stay.

(Quotes and image from dailymail.co.uk.)

“He looked normal”

…has to be the biggest cliché in recent times. It’s the phrase that is bandied about the most when anyone talks about a terrorist – be it “baby-faced” Ajmal Kasab, who was given the death sentence yesterday for the 26/11 attack on Mumbai, or Faisal Shahzad, who was arrested today for the failed bomb attempt in New York.

According to an eyewitness,

“I never doubted that he [Shahzad] could be a terrorist because he was a very normal looking guy. He was holding his passport and sitting there, we could never have doubted him because he looked so normal”

Why, I ask, should a terrorist not look normal? After all, a terrorist is a “normal” human being whose mind has been “abnormally” twisted by fanatical individuals. He wouldn’t be roaming the streets with horns and a devil’s forked tongue!

But things certainly are scary out there, ‘cause seemingly well-to-do individuals are being turned by the fanatical outpourings of a handful of individuals who twist religion and spew hatred for “the other,” with delusions of world-wide dominance, at the altar of which innocent souls are slaughtered.

(image courtesy onegoodthing.net)

Thoughts on motherhood

A study of relativity

Motherhood. It’s a scary proposition. And one that most people, even acquaintances, bring up in the normal course of a conversation. Especially when they find out you’ve been married 8 long years and still have no children to show for it. Then the questions fly fast and thick: Why not? Do you know what a big mistake you’re making? What’s the purpose of your life? What will you do when you grow old? Who are you earning all this money for?

Well, me, actually.

But I was supposed to want to have a baby. I was thirty-one years old. – Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert

Don’t get me wrong — I like children — as long as they are not mine, and I can play with them for a short while before handing them over to their parents. But as I write this, I start to reflect, did I always think this way? The answer’s no.

I remember playing house as a little girl, remember asking mom to keep my favorite clothes safely for my baby. As I grew older, I started looking back at those times and laughing at myself. “There’s a long time still before I go down that road,” I used to think to myself. I thought I’d feel the maternal instincts start kicking in by the time I approached my 30s, once I’d settled down, lived life, and was ready to take on the responsibility of an innocent child. But as the years passed, and as I approached the Big 30, I realized that nothing of the sort was happening! Instead of “settling down” and wanting children, I became convinced that motherhood wasn’t for me — at least not yet.

…I did not want to be pregnant. I kept waiting to want to have a baby, but it didn’t happen. And I know what it feels like to want something, believe me. I well know what desire feels like. But it wasn’t there. Moreover, I couldn’t stop thinking about what my sister had said to me once, as she was breast-feeding her firstborn: “Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You really need to be certain it’s what you want before you commit.” – Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert

The reasons to not have children are many — and at the individual level, they are all relevant — my reasons aren’t any better or worse than yours, they’re just uniquely mine. I have a lot of reasons for not wanting children: I’m absolutely petrified of the entire 9-month process, the labor pains, the birth, the post-natal depression; the thought of the responsibility freaks me out; I need my space…just the thought of having a small baby and then a growing child and adolescent around me all the time makes me feel suffocated; it’s a huge economic responsibility (or should I say liability?); and it totally crimps your freedom. That’s what I think, anyway.

I have had a lot of friends and family tell me that I’m making a mistake, that I’ll regret my decision later in life, that I’m being selfish. I’ve answered them in a lot of different ways, but this excerpt from Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir Eat, Pray, Love sums up my thoughts really well:

I still can’t say whether I will ever want children…I can only say how I feel now — grateful to be on my own. I also know that I won’t go forth and have children just in case I might regret missing it later in life; I don’t think this is a strong enough motivation to bring more babies onto the earth. Thought I suppose people do reproduce sometimes for that reason — for insurance against later regret. I think people have children for all manner of reasons — sometimes out of a pure desire to create an heir, sometimes without thinking about it in any particular way. Not all the reasons to have children are the same, and not all of them are necessarily unselfish. Not all the reasons not to have children are the same, either, though. Nor are all those reasons necessarily selfish.

I may live to regret my decision, then again, I may not.

I love children, but what if I don’t have any? What kind of person does that make me? – Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert

I’d say it makes me a stronger person that those who give in to the pressure to have children, even if they secretly may not want any. It’s just easier to follow the mould and do what’s “expected” of you than to take a stand on a sensitive issue like this one and stick to your guns.

What gives me courage, though, is what my father-in-law said when we told him we were thinking of not having children. “That’s a very good decision, if you can stick to it. Most people end up bowing down to family pressure. If you can stand up to it, and stay firm with your decision, it will be one of the best decisions you have taken. Just remember to have a purpose for your life. For most people, it’s children. If you can rise above that, you’ll need another purpose, so give that some thought.”

Abbuji, I miss you.

Bomb blast rocks Pune

German Bakery in happier times

A bomb blast destroyed one of Pune’s famous landmark’s on 13 February 2010 — The German Bakery at Koregaon Park, which is just about a kilometer away from my home. Luckily, my family is safe, though my mom gave me a huge scare since she wouldn’t pick up either her mobile or land line. Turns out she was enjoying a ghazal recital at The Residency Club when the blast happened, but I was shit scared and panicking, even though I knew that the chances of her being around that area were very slim.

This is really a sad day for Pune, which has always been a peaceful and peace loving city that has never been affected by communal tensions or riots.

My prayers are with the families of those who were killed and injured in the blast.