All marriages have their ups and downs, fights and make up scenes. There have been times when I have found myself wondering why I ever got married, telling myself that I am not marriage material, and on occasion, wondering what it would be like to be free. This is not to say that I have fallen out of love with the husband, because I love him to pieces, I really do. It’s just a reflection of how hot-headed I can be, and how irrational I can get when I’m really angry.
However, while browsing through PostSecret a while back, I came upon this secret, and it made me pause and think — is it worth it to get so angry that I become totally irrational? I know that the momentary thoughts that I have are just that — because once I cool down, I realize just how much I love the husband, how much he means to me, and how well we complement one another.
Have you ever wanted out of something, only to find out that you want back in? Or did the secret above give you a sense of epiphany, the way it did to me?
Answering the questions I posed last week would have helped you identify your current “big dreams.” These aren’t the next logical steps if you continue the way you are, but are the things that make your heart sing. There is something deeply satisfying about having a dream list that is close to your heart because it helps you peel back the layers and discover what you really want in your life.
Image by Squirmelia via Flickr
Bring out your paper now and read what you wrote down. Slowly. Listen to your feelings as you reach each sentence. If you feel excited, feel your heart fluttering, you’re on the right track. The things that leave you wondering why you wrote what you wrote may not be what you really want to do, but what you think you should do. Cross those off right away.
If you’re truthful with yourself, you’ve had those things on your to-do list since a while and have gotten nowhere with them. You also use that list to beat yourself up about being an under-achiever. So, do yourself a favour and just. let. them. go. really. You’ll feel better. I promise. Unless you’ve written something like take (insert health condition here) medication on time everyday and are about to cross that off. Come on! You should know better, right?
Anyhoo! Now that you’ve got your dream list ready, here’s what you gotta do.
Image via Wikipedia
Go through each section and for each, create one or two goals that really compel and excite you when you think about them from the material you wrote.
Then, write one goal at the top of a page, with a separate page for each goal. Set a timer for two minutes and write down why you want to achieve this goal.
Once you’ve done that, create a compelling argument to yourself on why you must do achieve this goal. If you can’t create a compelling argument that makes you ache to achieve the goal, you may need to choose a different one. After all, if you can’t convince yourself in an argument, you won’t have the drive to complete the goal!
Image by angietorres via Flickr
For each goal, write down three small steps you can take now that will help you achieve your goals. Initially, these will typically be “discovery” steps that will help you get more information about how to go about achieving your goal. If one of your goals is to learn a language or photography, one of your first steps might involve identifying classes that you can enrol for. Make sure that you aren’t setting yourself a huge target, take baby steps.
The key is to commit to something that you really, really want to do. Even if you can spend just one day a month working on that goal, it will change how you think and dramatically improve your life. Promise.
Image via Wikipedia
As you finish a step, cross it off your list. Doesn’t it make you feel great? For every step you cross off, add a new one. Rinse and repeat until you (gasp!) are well on your way to achieving your goal! Crossing off and adding new to-dos helps you keep your momentum going and gives you confidence in your own ability to achieve your dreams.
But what if the number of goals you’ve set yourself has you in overwhelm mode? Prioritize. How? Look at each goal and each argument, read it out loud if you need to, with feeling, and ask yourself if not achieving any of these would leave you with a hole in your heart or filled with regrets. The ones that will are the ones that you should pick up on priority. Easy-peasy!
Another thing that can lead to a slight sense of deflation is the knowledge that it may take you years to achieve some of your goals. But it is important to understand and accept this, and to press on anyway. After all, it’s the journey that matters. And just think of how proud you’ll feel every time you work towards it, and when you finally achieve it!
Also, if possible, enlist the help of family or friends to hold you accountable, someone with whom you can check in say once a month. Your accountability group will be your personal cheer leaders, help you brainstorm if you come up against a wall, give you a little (or a big) push if you find yourself getting complacent, and will totally rock your world when you achieve your dream!
There you have it – the blueprint to (finding and) achieving your most authentic dreams.
I woke up this morning with the gentle rays of the sun streaming in through the blinds on my windows. I rolled over in bed, hugged my arms to my chest, and let out a contented breath. Getting out of bed, I walked into my bright, sunny bathroom, done up in shades of white and blue. A spray of summer blossoms sat on the windowsill in an old ceramic mug, a collection of seashells and pebbles was heaped on one side of the marble bathtub, the other holding my collection of colorful bath salts and toiletries. I walked over to the little dressing room adjoining the bathroom while brushing away the stale smell of sleep from my mouth and got out my clothes for the day – a pair of rugged jeans and a white t-shirt – perfect for a day to be spent out and about with my trusted camera and sketchbook.
Once I was ready, I padded into the kitchen, had a hot cup of tea and some fruit, packed a sandwich in a brown baggie, collected my gear and headed out.
Image via Wikipedia
Welcome to my dream world, where I am a successful artist, photographer and writer, with a beautiful house in a small, beautiful community located very close to a bustling town. It’s a place where all the neighbors know each other and where I have some of my deepest and most lasting friendships. When I’m not busy with the constant demands of success – book signings, gallery openings and exhibitions, you’ll find me in the kitchen whipping up some tasty, exotic dishes or traveling the world and telling my stories through words and images.
I don’t know about the house, but I do know that if I put my mind to it, I can achieve my dream of being a photographer and artist – a writer I am already – I write this blog, don’t it? 😉
So, if you could live your biggest dream, no holds barred, what would it be?
A while back I wrote about reclaiming a dream – a small dream it was, of having flowers in the living room at home. Of saying no, I wouldn’t just let my dreams die like that. But just saying no isn’t enough. You have to know what your dreams, and which dreams you are most passionate about. Not each item on your bucket list is as important as the others. While we may not mind letting go of some goals, not achieving others would fill us with regret and sadness.
The best way to determine what’s most important for you is to undertake a goal setting activity. If you already have a process you use and love, go for it. If not, carve out some time for yourself to sit down and evaluate each area of your life – career, home, health, spirituality, finances, relationships – and determine what are the things that you’re truly passionate about.
I identified the following areas of my life that I wanted to work on:
Learning/leisure
Soulfulness
Creativity
Health
Finances
Here are some of the questions I asked myself in each of these areas:
Image by nebbsen via Flickr
learning/leisure
What would you like to learn to do? It has to be something that really makes you excited. How would you learn – online, sign up for a class, etc.?
Where would you like to travel? Could be places in your own city or country, or abroad?
What would you like to do more of?
– read more?
– redecorate the house or office?
– get out of the house more?
soulfulness
What are your mediation goals? Every day? Every week? How much time will you set aside for it?
How can you live more soulfully – with more balance, less stress?
What do you need to do to feel that you have made a difference in your life?
creativity
Image by nimbu via Flickr
Which creative areas are you interested in – cooking, home decorating, photography, painting, etc.?
If money were no object, but you had to work, what would you be doing?
Do you have an idea or a dream you’d like to be living?
If you could live another person’s life (living or dead) who would it be, and why?
health/physical
What are your weight loss goals?
– How much weight do you want to lose?
– How much exercise would you be willing to commit to each week?
– What changes can you realistically make to your diet?
financial
Image via Wikipedia
What are your financial goals in terms of your needs and desires. For example, you might want to have enough money to pay your rent without stress, buy or lease a new car every four years, etc.
If you feel stress about money, what could you do right now to feel more in control?
Do you have any bad money habits? Like impulsive shopping? What are your triggers? Think of ways you can stop yourself.
putting it together
Use these questions as a starting point to reflect on what you want to achieve in these areas. These don’t have to be one sentence answers. They can be as long as you need them to be. Feel free to add on or leave questions you don’t like, or to hunt online for other goal setting exercises. But do work on writing down something.
Once you’re done, keep the paper safely away. Stepping away from your answers for a while will help you to know if you really connect with what you’ve written when you see them with a fresh mind.
Come back next week, when we’ll refine our dreams if we need to and draw up an action plan to achieve them!
If you have any artwork or photography to share, please leave a comment, a link back to your blog and your e-mail address, and I’ll feature it on an upcoming Friday Frame!
I’m going to let you in on a little secret today. Come closer, so I can whisper it into your ear.
I’m a hoarder….a book hoarder.
I have two bookshelves at home stuffed to overflowing, with enough books to start my own lending library. And yet, I cannot help myself when I walk into a bookstore. I almost always walk out with 2 or more books, no matter how often I chant to myself “You will not buy a book today, you will not buy a book today.” Well, actually, I never buy a book – I buy books!
And then I come home, bag of books in hand, look at my stuffed bookshelf, and leave the bag on a chair in the drawing room, until I figure out a way to squeeze my latest purchases in. That bag generally sits there for a week, with the books wondering when they will be taken out and displayed, only to be joined by yet another bag of books the next week, at which time I finally decide to take out said books and cram them somehow, anyhow, into my bookshelf.
Like I said, I hoard.
Which also means that I absolutely refuse to part with a single one of my books. Not that they are all masterpieces of literature. Some of them are downright unreadable, like Taslima Nasreen’s Lajja. But still. I cannot bring myself to purge my books.
The husband has been nagging telling me that it is about time I acknowledged my addiction, and that if I could not curb my urge, nay, my need to buy a book, the least I could do is to get rid of some of them.
Now, I think I am going to take some inspiration from my fellow blogger Debra, who is going on a de-cluttering drive of her own to get rid of some of her “things” even though she loves them. If she can do it, so can I!
Just don’t hold your breath…yet! I may need to join a 12-step program just to be able to start purging some of my books!
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
The other day, I had this sudden craving for cheesecake. Now, my absolute favorite cheesecake is the one made by pizza chain San Marzano. It’s a baked, fluffy, out-of-this-world cheesecake. But sadly, the restaurant has shut shop, and though I’ve heard that they opened somewhere else, I haven’t been able to locate it. I’ve tried cheesecakes at a lot of places, but nothing – and I mean absolutely nothing – comes close to that fluffy divineness.
So, I did the next best thing – I made a cheesecake at home! No, sadly, not a baked cheesecake, ‘cause I don’t know how, and I don’t have one of those fancy cheesecake tins either. I made one that sets in the fridge, and it is absolutely delightful!
Ingredients:
2 boxes of Kiri cream cheese
1 litre orange juice
1 packet Marie biscuits
¼ cup sugar
40 gm butter
1 orange for garnishing
Chocolate shavings for garnishing
Method:
Put the biscuits into a ziplock baggie and smash with a rolling pin, until the biscuit is reduced to an almost powder-like form.
In a bowl, mix the biscuits and butter until you get a nice, buttery-biscuity mixture. Go ahead, taste a spoonful – it’s divine!
Now, grease a loose bottom tin with butter and compact this mixture in the tin. Put in the fridge for 15 minutes.
In the meanwhile, smooth the cream cheese in a bowl.
Then add in the sugar and mix it up. Now, here comes the fun part! Start pouring in the orange juice in small measures, mix it up and taste. Repeat until you like the taste – creamy, orangey goodness!
Then, pour the mixture (which might be pretty darn thin, if you’re anything like me!) on top of the biscuit layer.
Put it into the fridge and leave overnight. This is what your set cheesecake will look like:
With a knife, poke around the edges to determine the consistency. Its possible that your cheesecake is set, but it hasn’t set enough to cut it up into slices. But that’s perfectly OK.
Get out your serving bowl and a big spoon.
Push the spoon all the way to the bottom, until you feel the crunchy biscuit layer. Continue on until you hit the base of the tin. Scoop out. Repeat.
Pile up the yummy cheesecake goodness into your serving bowl. Try to get a scoop of only the cheesecake minus the biscuit as your top layer.
For the garnishing:
Peel an orange, then pull apart the skin and de-seed, so you have only the orange pulp. Set aside in a plate.
Shave off some chocolate curls from your bitter chocolate. As much or as little as you want.
First place the orange all around the cheesecake. Finish with the chocolate.
The Sri Lankan civil war serves as the backdrop for Roma Tearne’s debut novel Mosquito. It’s the story of Theo Samarajeeva, a Sri Lankan who returns home from England after his wife’s death despite the warnings of his friends to not return to the war torn island nation. It’s the story of Nulani Mendis, a young and gifted artist, who blossoms to life after she meets Theo. It’s the story of their improbable love. And it’s a story of torture.
Tearne writes beautifully about Sri Lanka, capturing it’s beauty and the brutality of the civil war. She writes poignantly about the pointlessness of war, about the brutality of torture and the psychological damage it wrecks on the tortured.
The writing is beautifully evocative, as Tearne gives a sensory, color drenched feel to the location and atmosphere of the Sri Lankan coast. I fell in love with the beauty of the country while reading the book – it’s beautiful coastline, verdant forests and rich history.
The characters of Theo and Nulani Mendis are well drawn out. Sugi, Theo’s caretaker and friend, though a rather central figure to the story, may not have a well-defined character, yet, he is someone you can understand and connect with. Tearne also gives a brief sketch of the psyche of a Tamil Tiger recruit, and given the wide-spread terrorism these days, that is enough to help you understand the character of Vikram, the young orphan boy who gets recruited into the LTTE.
This is a hauntingly beautiful novel of love, loss and hope; of the pointlessness of war; of the physical and psychological scars of torture; of the triumph of hope. Highly recommended.
